Winter puns fell heavily and frequently throughout last night's "Gossip Girl" but it was the increasingly warm relationship between Dan and Blair that has me hot under the collar. Or maybe that's just all the damn sweaters.
Whatever turns out to be the cause (it's probably the cable knits), the fact remains that this burgeoning friendship between Dair -- or Blan, your call -- is the most exciting Upper East Side development in ages.
Jarett: While I loved it, last night's GG felt entirely random -- I mean, since when does Eric get legit storylines?!?
Ryan: Yea it was almost like their attempt and jumping on the Kurt 'Glee' gay bandwagon.
Jarett: Good call!
Ryan: Thank god he didnt sing
Jarett: "All By Myself" has been done to death already
Ryan: Yea, and if anyone would sing that one it would have been Vanessa
Ryan: or as I like to call her, The actor formerly known as Vanessa
Jarett: I love how she gets more and more marginalized ever week -- last night, her only impact involved buying Dan a fugly scarf that only used car salesmen own
Ryan: Yea, which was spot on by Blair. That girls knows her fashion … and her one-liners
Jarett: Seriously -- I already added "never owned a scrunchie" to my resume
Ryan: My new addition was 'I got poleaxed by a poor person!!'
Jarett: yes, but you think poleaxed means something totally different
Ryan: It has nothing to do with third-base?
Ryan: Argh, me and the guy on the F-train have some serious business to clear up
Jarett: I don't know how many times I have to tell you -- just because a word has the word pole in it, doesn't mean it's dirty
Jarett: We can't have another Annexing Poland incident
Ryan: speaking of ass-umptions -- why does Serena think everyone wants to "pole" her?!?
Jarett: especially a guy she accidentally helped send to jail
Ryan: she obviously has clouded judgment as evidenced by the American Eagle sweater thing she was wearing!
Jarett: omg, the whole episode was sponsored by wool knits. literally every guy wore a collared shirt/sweater combo at one point
Jarett: although the king of sweaters is Dan ... and I'm not talking about the one he naturally grows
Ryan: Yea, they must have let some kid from Utah style this episode … or quite possibly a real intern from W magazine, which we know is not as fun as Blair and Dan made it out to be.
Jarett: loved the "devil wears prada" shout-out, but not as much as I loved Dan's spot-on shoe knowledge
Jarett: "those are mustard"
Ryan: Right, making sure to ping it back to the fact that 'I DATED A GIRL FOR TWO YEARS!' as loud as possible while standing in a closet
Jarett: Blair had a point -- he's a hot straight guy working at a fashion magazine. i'm surprised (and saddened) he kept that sweater on around those horny hyenas
Ryan: Well to be honest, he might not have actually had a sweater on at all
Jarett: Hmmm, good call. I'll do some more research.
Ryan: And by research, naturally you mean just Google Image Search "Penn Badgley shirtless," right?
Jarett: Well, I'm nothing if not thorough
Ryan: The gays owe you a debt of gratitude
Jarett: Too true
Ryan: and bringing back Jonathan actually shows they're interested in Eric's gay vagenda
Jarett: Which I'm fine with as long as Eric continues to create fun drinking games -- like last night's, where you take a shot every time Lily bribes someone
Ryan: What about the Rufus gets a line shooter?
Jarett: Or the Serena shows her boobs body shot?
Ryan: We'll be drunk in a NY minute if we do a shot every time Vanessa is mentioned but not shown!
Jarett: I've got it -- The Polish Car Bomb, drop a vodka shot into a pint of Żywiec every time Dorota says Miss Blair!
"Gossip Girl" airs Mondays at 9pm on The CW
Photo: The CW