I don't know if you heard, but "American Idol" made history this week! No, really. Now when children study American milestones, sandwiched in between Barack Obama becoming the 44th president and Michelle Obama becoming the 45th, they will be taught about the week "Idol" changed the course of television! Or at least you'd think so based on the way Ryan Seacrest kept yammering on about it.
I will give them this, last night's "Idol" was noteworthy -- have you ever seen a show jam-packed with so much awfulness? David Archuleta, fail! And I'm not even going to elaborate on the asthma inducing disco-medly beyond saying that while Freda Payne, Thelma Houston and KC from The Sunshine Band are all musical icons, I spent that seven minutes praying there was oxygen waiting for them in the wings.
I'm actually fairly certain tanks were standing by since the Top 7 disco dance routine choreographed by Paula Abdul was unexpectedly elaborate. Unfortunately the performance was more painful than a gallstone thanks to a combination of six rhythm-less kids and cobweb covered moves, last seen in "Footloose's" awesome closing number.
Kris Allen was by far the worst of the bunch while Adam Lambert was, shock of all shocks, the best dancer. Nice hip work there, buddy. Oh, what was that other thing?? Right! Not only were the kids lip syncing again but clearly they had no time to bring in Ashlee Simpson as a guest mentor because it could not have been more obvious. Check it out -- then keep reading if you can stomach more!
OK, so once they all caught their breath it was time to "dim the lights," an expression that Seacrest is clearly trying to make happen. There was no time wasted and Lil Rounds was cut from the competition. Or in other words, she was "e-Lil-minated." Am I the first one to make the joke? Am I? Am I?
Then, the most amazing thing happened: Lil absolutely slayed "I'm Every Woman," the same song she could barely make interesting the night before.
Where did this come from, all of a sudden? Why didn't she sing like that last night, Paula wondered. In my opinion, if Lil had performed just like that the night before, Allison Iraheta would have been sent home in her place.
Yes, you heard me -- Allison, because she was the youngling who landed in the bottom two along with Anoop Desai. Not going to lie, the instant she was placed there instead of Matt Giruad, I thought to myself, "and here's the season seven shock."
Think about the irony of Allison being unfairly sent home as a result of a rule change meant to keep talented yet less popular singers in the competition. Thankfully, Anoop was justly sent packing. Yes, he continued to look smug, which only further proved that his time had come.
Looking ahead, here's how I'm thinking the rest of the season will shake out: next week's theme is Rat Pack classics, so if Frank, Dean or Sammy sang it, you could hear it. Unless Matt delivers the best performance of his career, he will be sent packing, closely followed by Allison and Danny Gokey. That will leave the cooly confident Kris Allen battling it out with the always-amazing Adam Lambert for the "Idol" crown -- and as his leaked photos proved, Adam is already very comfortable in bejeweled regalia.
Who do you want to win "American Idol?"