What will brown do to you?

Show of hands: Who thinks that sitting on a wobbly camp chair in the rain and wind for nearly ten hours a day, watching half-ton Alaska brown bears lumber by, sleeping in a tent and having freeze-dried food for dinner sounds like a good time? Anyone who’s still paying attention, well, have we got a summer vacation for you!

The McNeil River area, down on the Alaska Peninsula, 250 miles southwest of Anchorage, is the largest known gathering of brown bears in the world, according to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game. And if you’re very, very lucky, you can go hang with them for a few days.

Getting in on the action is not all that easy. Admission to the refuge — allowed only during the summer months — is by lottery only. And then, once you do win the lottery, there are considerable costs involved, not to mention a mountain of logistical issues. And, of course, there is also the small matter of hanging around a whole bunch of big creatures that do not necessarily care for your company.

But, good news! During the 40 years that the department has been operating this remote facility, no visitors have been maimed or killed -- a possibility when dealing with the brown bear, a group not known for its playing-well-with-others-ness. (Trips into the viewing area are limited to parties of 10, each accompanied to the viewing area by an armed staff member. It’s like being on safari in Africa, but generally with less sunshine.)

Say you do win — applications for next summer are due December 1, by the way, and the selection process takes place over the winter — your 4-day visit starts with a briefing from camp staff at 9 AM. The guide will go over the plan for the day, covering weather, tides, clothing recommendations, etc. The view sites are a couple of miles from camp, and the 1-2- hour hike, while not especially demanding, does require the ability to walk over rough, muddy trails and through thigh-deep water.

Visitors and camp staff hike out to the viewing site together in the morning, spend the day viewing bears, and return as a group at the end of the day. If you get out to the falls and find you’ve forgotten your lunch or a piece of gear, or you’re tired of watching bears after a couple of hours, that’s too bad. (If you want to become the camp pariah, try screwing up a day’s worth of world-class bear viewing by forcing an early end to the day because you forgot your rain gear.)

While you’re at the viewing site, there can be as many as 60 bears within view at one time. Through generations of conditioning, they know that while people are on the gravel pad viewing site, they are not permitted to set foot on it. They can stroll by on the trail and wander behind the visitors at literally spitting distance, but any attempt to cross the invisible line separating them from you is met by quick defensive actions by the refuge staff. They’ll step to the edge of the pad to reinforce that the animal is approaching the forbidden zone and bluff the bears back into their proper place.