‘O’ my, it’s a fund-raising note from Barack

To my good friend Barack,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. President. You made my day with that powerful and uplifting package you sent. You can imagine my excitement as I ripped open the envelope and an autographed picture of you tumbled out. Heart be still.

I had barely gathered my emotions when I found the four-page letter addressed to me! It’s like winning the lottery four times.

What a wordsmith you are! I especially like the way you use the word “forward” over and over. You say each letter you read from Americans “compels me to keep moving forward” but that you need my help “to keep us moving forward.” Then you say “we have moved forward.”

Brilliant. The Pulitzer will look great in your trophy case, right beside the Nobel!

Cynics will complain you’re sneaking in your campaign’s slogan, but that’s cheap. Besides, “forward” is a great contrast to “backward,” which, you also repeatedly say, is where Republicans want to take us.

You definitely get my attention by using boldface type to urge me to send a contribution to the Democratic National Committee. And the way you keep coming back to the need for money is a clinic in how to structure a financial appeal. Just what we would expect from a Columbia-Harvard man and best-selling author!

It’s also really cool the way you repeat the word “fair.” I counted eight times on Page 2 alone, including the sentence where you say “this country succeeds when everyone gets a fair shot, when everyone does their fair share, and when everyone plays by the same rules.” Write on, Mr. President!

Tears well up in my eyes every time you mention Warren Buffett’s poor secretary. She seems like such a nice, solid American woman, yet she has to pay such high taxes. I agree with you that “the wealthy should pay their fair share” and God bless Mr. Buffett for offering to help pay down the government debt, as soon as Congress passes a law forcing him to.

Forgive me, but there is a tiny grammatical error, hardly worth mentioning. When you say “these people,” meaning Republicans, “have a very different vision for our future than you and me,” it should be “you and I.”

Now, because of your modest, humble nature, your choice of “me” is understandable. You didn’t want to use the personal pronoun “I” again, figuring that 21 times was enough. Grammar exemption granted!

By the way, it was a stroke of genius to include a “comment” section on the contribution card. As you say, my input and check are important because “we’re in this together.” It’s only right that the more I give, the more attention my feedback gets.