Hooker, line and stinker

In brothels and bedrooms throughout the city, johns and the cuties who service them are having a chuckle.

And the target of their revelry is none other than Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. — who is apparently on a fishing expedition and using Hockey Mom Madam Anna Gristina as bait.

Vance seems to be so obsessed with kinky sex and the high-profile men who pay for it, he should be limited to prosecuting folks who fail to pick up after their dogs. Not the alleged ringleader of the sleaziest call-girl ring since the one engaged by Eliot Spitzer.

Even Eliot got away with it, Cy.

It took four months. But accused upstate Hockey Mom Madam Anna Gristina this week got the dominant upper hand in her epic battle with the prosecutor. Vance claims Gristina ran a multimillion-dollar hooker ring out of an Upper East Side town house that provided naked beauties to men too rich, powerful, busy or ugly to troll for bed partners the old-fashioned way — on the Internet.

But after a five-year investigation peppered with juicy claims that Gristina was protected by members of law enforcement, and after prosecutors grabbed Gristina off a Manhattan street, making the poor, screaming dame think she was being kidnapped, one question remains for Cy: Where’s the beef?

Gristina is charged with a single, low-level and nonviolent felony count of promoting prostitution, not rape or assault — and that’s a good thing. For those are crimes for which Vance can’t possibly win a conviction on a bet.

Gristina was unable to raise the $2 million bail that Vance’s office requested. You can murder your mother and not get bail like that.

But in a stunning rebuke, the Appellate Division on Tuesday reduced Gristina’s price of freedom to $250,000 bond, $125,000 cash, saying the original bail was “unreasonable and an abuse of discretion.’’

She’ll be out of jail faster than I’ll Have Another can sprint to stud. Meanwhile, Vance looks as foolish and mean as he does incompetent.

Please tell us there’s more to your investigation than exposing a few rich johns, Cy.

The $64 million question that’s burning through the halls of 1 Hogan Place, home of the DA’s headquarters, is this:

Why so obsessed with paid sex?

Is it personal, Cy?

“So many of the cases he’s drawn to [and loses spectacularly] are, coincidentally, sex cases,’’ laughed a source.

“It’s odd, right?’’

“This actually came on the [DA’s office] radar eight years ago,’’ said another source.

So far, the DA has been squeezing two relatively low-rent $1,000 hookers, who’ve agreed to give info on Gristina to save their backsides, as well as Gristina’s alleged money launderer.