NFL voices drone on

Man, talk about missing the memo! I apologize, I was completely unaware about that change in rules; I didn't know that networks now mandate that game analysts deliver windy speeches after every play during football telecasts.

Here I thought it was just an epidemic.

Dan Dierdorf, after Saturday's Ravens-Steelers game on CBS, certainly does not have to worry about non-compliance. He made our ears bleed, eventually performing the don't-try-this-at-home trick of drowning himself out.

Dierdorf blew hard after every play, often making sure to say at least twice what wasn't needed once, and just as often speaking useless "Make no mistake about it" declaratives that often ended with useless superlatives.

After a first-quarter hassle between Ed Reed and Hines Ward -- both identified by play-by-player Greg Gumbel -- Dierdorf was compelled to add, "Well, talk about two big-name players!"

If that's what he had to say about it, what a perfect time to have remained silent.

Then there was the play when linebacker Ray Lewis missed a diving tackle in the Steelers backfield, running back Isaac Redman escaping to gain a couple of yards. Dierdorf said just that; the rest was self-evident -- he couldn't miss it, we couldn't miss it, so just leave it alone.

But Dierdorf further explained it: "That could have been a negative play for Pittsburgh. Watch Ray Lewis. He's gonna come right through the A-gap. He's right there, but Redman is able to get outside of Lewis and pick up the first down. At first blush that looked like that might have been a negative play for Pittsburgh."

Good grief! And it went like that all game!

Yet, when speechmaking really counted, Dierdorf clammed up. There were many incidents of unsportsmanlike conduct -- players willing to risk 15 yards and being tossed from the biggest game of the season -- yet these were the moments when Dierdorf lost his urge to pontificate.

One replay showed Steelers cornerback Ike Taylor, well after the play ended, head-butting wideout T.J. Houshmandzadeh. But all Dierdorf could manage was that the game had become "chippy." Chippy?

And it was too much to expect Dierdorf or CBS to know that Taylor was penalized for similar misconduct two years ago -- in the Super Bowl!

But to be perfectly fair (and balanced) Dierdorf's approach -- pandering to the worst acts, incessant speechmaking -- places him among the vast majority of TV's analysts. On FOX yesterday, Moose Johnston picked it up where Dierdorf left off. Rules are rules!

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FOX's Terry Bradshaw yesterday nailed Rex Ryan as classless, as "someone I couldn't play for." Fine, but you might recall that not long ago on the same show, Bradshaw and Howie Long mirthfully calling each other "s--mbags."

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